Today I sit at my desk, with an empty coffee cup on the left side of my desk in deep thought. The end of a year is approaching and it is my time of the year to seek God and his direction for the year that waits before me.
I am not sure how many years ago I began this process, but somehow it slowly became a part of my life. I look back at the previous year beginning November 1, and by December 1, I move my thoughts, dreams and direction for life looking forward to the upcoming year. I am old enough to realize that whatever I place on a piece of paper, it may not look exactly as I thought as the year unfolds.
In this I am content, to trust God as the known and the unknown unfold in my life and those around me with each passing day. I am at a point in life, where I have no regrets for what I experienced in life. Past experiences molded me into the woman I am today, whether they were good or bad experiences.
For 16 months I struggled with an area of life which was new to me. I still have no answers to why God allowed a specific situation into my life. One day someone showed up in my life without announcement or fanfare and turned my life upside down.
My recent questions to God: Do you desire me to learn more about walking through emotional pain and situations which I thought I had under control? Do you desire me to become stronger in the middle of relationships that cut a person's heart into small little pieces? Or is it simply part of life and being in relationship with others? Is it your desire to for each of us to take a chance and open our heart wide and become vulnerable in relationships that eventually cause deep deep hurt?
As I sit at my desk today, I am no longer looking for the answers to my questions. God began to mend the pieces of my heart back together during a recent trip to Africa.
Many of my friends are now home with Jesus, and others are very ill. In the middle of loss I continue to live in the present and look forward to 2016, I am determined to no longer ask God why he allowed me to experience 16 months of emotional struggle. Instead I will savor each breathe and each day the Lord gifts to me until he takes me home to be with him.
As for those who cause me deep pain, the only part that is mine to work through on my side of the relational equation is to leave those who cause me deep pain to God and forgive.
#TheRelationshipProject Where ALL people are important, even those who cause us pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment