Be Less Aggressive! Be More Aggressive! Speak up! Be Quiet! What is a woman to do?

Part 1- The day after Christmas I wandered through my city at a slow pace. Tucked away in my small bag, I carried a long list of small items I desired to purchase. As I wandered from store to store, I stopped at a book shelf and searched through the books. I picked up a book by Carly Fiorina, titled Tough Choices.

The only reason the book caught my attention was, I recently watched the Republican debates, which included Carly. I decided to purchase the book, and the next day I began reading.

I am 1/3 of the way through the book, and I find Carly to be a woman who worked hard in her rise to the top. She experienced tough battles as she moved ahead in her career. Although I am definitely not in the same position as Carly, her story resonates with my life.

In my late 20's I accepted my first sales executive job and was surprised to find, I was the only woman in the outside sales division. Years later I accepted a sales executive job with another company and once again I was the only woman in the sales division. It was common to hear comments like, "Nancy if you wear a shorter skirt you will sell more." Or, if I sold more than a man and he was feeling insecure, "Nancy the only reason you sell more than I do, is because you wear a skirt!" 

In my early 40's I attended a conservative christian university, working on my BS in Pastoral Ministries and once again found myself in the minority. It was during my time at the university where I learned to stand. I learned to stay in, and not back down in conversations, which were predominately geared to the male gender. I learned to stand and not back down when another student would approach me and aggressively try to persuade me to change my major. 

I learned to walk away from crude, rude nasty remarks. I learned to not attack back, but request respect as a fellow student. I learned with God by my side, I can get through anything, even when someone spits at my feet or chases me in a parking lot.

Carly's book is confirming that I am not the only woman who is in a battle. My battle continues on today and I am not backing down, or retreating.

In daily life in the USA, it is common for me to be told, "Nancy you are to aggressive!" Or, "Nancy you are to soft!" "Nancy, you need to back off and be quiet!" Or, "Nancy you need to speak up!" How is a woman to handle the confusion? As a christian woman, I am careful who I counsel with and I am careful who I bring close into my life. I am a transparent woman, and will continue to live this way. 

Part 2- On December 21, 2015, I watched a video on CNN, "The Man Behind Carly Fiorina Opens Up." This video touched my heart strings and brought a smile to my lips. Frank supports his wife, and this does not make him less of a man. He knows who he is, and is willing to support her. In fact I see him as a strong man. I see him as a stronger man, than one who pushes woman around and out of the way. 

Political yes, I am political, because I live in the USA and in this country I am given the right to vote. Who will I vote for? I am not sure, but as I prepare to make my decision I will be listening and I will be praying. In fact, this week I am praying for Frank and Carly.

Important Note- The video I mention above is no longer available.

Keep On Writing

The life of a writer is far from glamorous. For many writers our writing is one of love and hate. We desire to be up from the desk and do anything else, but write. There are times we spend hours editing and when we think the edits are finished we find another mistake!

There are days we think we begin to develop a character, and we lose our way. It is like trying to find our way through a forest with no path. The character disappears!

Glamorous it is not!

Yet, we continue to write. We may go for a walk, talk to a friend, talk to ourselves and share our frustration.  BUT...

We always go back to the page. The life of a writer.

It is not easy, but in the end when we hold the finished book in our hands, we celebrate and we continue to write.

To my writing friends out there, keep on writing, keep on loving it and hating it,

BUT....

keep on writing.


(The Relationship Project with Nancy- Where ALL people are important, from the youngest to the oldest to everyone in between.)

When The Laughter Stops, With Nancy

Felicity was in a hurry. She was walking down the long hall on a mission. She had 45 minutes left before she must be back at work. She rounded a corner and heard a group of people talking.

She slowed her steps, and suddenly she heard her name. She thought they were calling her into their conversation, until she heard the next words. They were in a conversation about her and they were laughing. They were laughing about her writing, about her pain, and about her desire to travel the world. The information was shared as a prayer request, with many people including the people in the conversation.

Felicity decided she would turn around and quickly walk away, but it was to late. Someone in the group saw her standing with sadness on her face. Instead of retreating, Felicity made a courageous choice.

She pushed back her feelings of embarrassment and continued to walk in the direction of the group.  She walked toward the group as if she was going to stop and chat. Instead she walked by, and simply said, "Hello friends," as they looked down at the ground. The laughter was now gone.

This is the short version of Felicity's story. Although it was difficult, Felicity made the decision to forgive, because if she did not forgive, moving forward with her life would be impossible.

**** Felicity is Nancy, the woman who now travels the world. She writes and leads a conference on relationships. Many times she smiles as she recalls this painful conversation from long ago. She understands in a deep way, how God pours out his grace upon her life in areas she does not deserve. ****


1 Corinthians 13, ESV

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

A Heart In Pieces w/ Nancy

Today I sit at my desk, with an empty coffee cup on the left side of my desk in deep thought. The end of a year is approaching and it is my time of the year to seek God and his direction for the year that waits before me.

I am not sure how many years ago I began this process, but somehow it slowly became a part of my life. I look back at the previous year beginning November 1, and by December 1, I move my thoughts, dreams and direction for life looking forward to the upcoming year. I am old enough to realize that whatever I place on a piece of paper, it may not look exactly as I thought as the year unfolds.

In this I am content, to trust God as the known and the unknown unfold in my life and those around me with each passing day. I am at a point in life, where I have no regrets for what I experienced in life. Past experiences molded me into the woman I am today, whether they were good or bad experiences.

For 16 months I struggled with an area of life which was new to me. I still have no answers to why God allowed a specific situation into my life. One day someone showed up in my life without announcement or fanfare and turned my life upside down.

My recent questions to God: Do you desire me to learn more about walking through emotional pain and situations which I thought I had under control? Do you desire me to become stronger in the middle of relationships that cut a person's heart into small little pieces? Or is it simply part of life and being in relationship with others? Is it your desire to for each of us to take a chance and open our heart wide and become vulnerable in relationships that eventually cause deep deep hurt?

As I sit at my desk today, I am no longer looking for the answers to my questions. God began to mend the pieces of my heart back together during a recent trip to Africa.

 Many of my friends are now home with Jesus, and others are very ill. In the middle of loss I continue to live in the present and look forward to 2016, I am determined to no longer ask God why he allowed me to experience 16 months of emotional struggle. Instead I will savor each breathe and each day the Lord gifts to me until he takes me home to be with him.

As for those who cause me deep pain, the only part that is mine to work through on my side of the relational equation is to leave those who cause me deep pain to God and forgive.

#TheRelationshipProject Where ALL people are important, even those who cause us pain.